I usually don’t make New Years resolutions. After all, I do well a few weeks, and then go right back to old habits, just like everyone else. I do want to make some changes though. I want to be healthy. This past year, my husband told me my job was to go to the doctor. We both want me to get healthy so we can live a better quality of life. So that is what I did. At times, I felt like I lived there. We tried new medications, eating healthier, mindfulness, and a lot of other things. I think that my attitude is what has helped me get through most of it. I try so hard to be optimistic. It was hard at times this past year to be optimistic. We had a few very rough blows. All in all, it was a good year though. I’ve learned a lot about myself. Going into 2016, I don’t think I will make any specific resolutions, but instead just chose to look forward, and be happy.

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Okay, so that’s bullshit. I am sitting here wanting so hard to just make big changes. I want to work. I want to matter. I want to dance. I want to travel. I want to be healthy, and fit. I want a freakin’ Harley again. I know how to do this. I’ve done it all before, and from less than I have now. However, I freaking hurt. I am so damn irritated that I hurt. My entire body aches. There is no reason for it. Nothing is biting me, burning me, hitting me. For some stupid reason my body just wants to attack itself and hurt. Years ago (before I was diagnosed with all this crap, pre 2006) I had no pain. I was able to work hard and play harder. I was going to the gym, and living life to the fullest that I could. Now, here I am, almost 42 and I just attempted to unload the dishwasher, but it hurt so damn bad that I had to stop and rest. What the heck? Rest?! From unloading a dishwasher? That is ridiculous! I’m tired of pain. I’m tired of being limited. I’m tired of it all! I want to yell that from the roof tops! Don’t get me wrong. I’m happy with life. I love my family, friends, our home, and living. I just want to do it without pain. I want to make realistic goals. The sucky part is that taking a shower each day shouldn’t be a goal…or a struggle. I know I just need to “take it one day at a time”. However, that get’s old. I just want to be the me that I want to be.