family

Blogging just got easier…

I feel awful that I don’t blog as much as I would like. I always say “I’m back!” and then I’m gone for months! A lot of it is due to my illness. I spend a lot of time in bed, or asleep. Sadly, that’s how I have learned to cope with my pain. I have been focusing on getting out of that cycle as much as possible. In fact, the past two weeks, I have made it a point to at least go downstairs for a few hours. Most of the days, I’ve even left the house. I am trying to get some crafts going, and a few projects done. My youngest is back in cheerleading, and that means I’m back to taking photos again. This is HUGE for me. I feel like I have a purpose again, and this helps get me moving. I’m so excited about it!

My husband surprised me with a laptop for Christmas. I hadn’t even attempted to set it up until a few weeks ago. I just wanted one that I could write with, and edit photos on. He got me a nice one, but it has the tablet function, and it really confused me. I used to be pretty good on a computer. With smart phones and iPads, I haven’t really had to login to my old laptop in over two years! I like my new laptop, but it doesn’t have the same photo editing software my old computer had. I am getting used to it though. I really want to take a photoshop class, but I don’t know if my brain fog will allow it? I just don’t function like I used to. It can be very frustrating. That’s why I think it took me so long to set this laptop up. I just would get frustrated so quick. Anyway, now that I have it, I hope that I’m able to blog more regularly. No promises.

Including a few photos I have taken so far this season. I love going to the high school football games. I love that the cheerleaders and their families love the photos I take.

 

It’s Okay To Not Be Okay.

Sometimes it’s okay to not be okay. I’ve had a rough time lately. I’ve had a lot of pain, and a cold. It’s sometimes hard to tell where one ends and the other begins. I won’t go into it, but it’s sucks. Not only do the symptoms suck, but the emotional baggage that goes along with it does too.

I feel like I’m wasting my life because I hurt so bad. I used to push myself harder, but it seemed to make it worse. I need to get out of this cycle and live again. I’ve been sad a lot lately. This has become a lonely life. I have amazing friends and family. I just don’t feel well enough to get out. I want to. I make plans. I just hurt so bad I want to die (not literally). I miss have having something to do (work, cheer). I need to find something to do.

I am trying to wean down on my pain meds. I’m doing pretty good at it.

I know this post is pretty sad and depressing. I honestly needed to just vent. I’m just tired of being sick and tired. I want to be the old me again, or better yet a new and improved me. I did buy a day planner. I used one when I worked and it really helped me to reach my goals. My phone is easy to just ignore. So I’ll see if this day planner will help me to get out of bed, write more, and maybe even eat healthier and exercise?! 🤞🏻

I must overcome this.

Well, I’ll leave you with this quote from Theodore Roosevelt:

“Courage is not having the strength to go on; Its going on when you don’t have the strength”

Chronic Christmas List

Catching Up:

It’s been a long month. We celebrated my grandmother’s life at her memorial. It was a wonderful day full of family and love. It was a bummer that the paper didn’t get her obituary printed in time, so many that wanted to be at the funeral weren’t aware of it. I know that she was loved.  Thanksgiving was another wonderful celebration with family.

Cousins2

My brothers, mom, aunt, and cousins & I, at our grandmothers memorial.

Then we kicked off the cheer season with a showcase at the gym (all in the same weekend). The following two weekends we had cheer comps as well. I love cheer comp season. It’s just fun. I love taking pictures of all our teams performing. There is just something about catching that perfect action shot! I am a bit rusty from last season, and I’ve been flaring for about a month, so I’ve had to push myself extra hard to keep up.

These are some of the most amazing athletes!

All Star Cheerleaders are some of the most amazing athletes!

Today for example, I’m having severe lower back pain. I suspect I know why, so I’m just taking it easy on the couch and staying hydrated while awaiting a new prescription to kick in. Since I’m down for the day I thought I’d share with you all a list of great gift ideas for those with chronic pain & illness. Ya!

::::Insert Christmas music interlude here::::

Here are my top twelve suggestions for great gifts for those with chronic pain!

  1. Warm fluffy slippers and socks. The softer the better. Make it fun too. No need to be drab just because you feel like crap!
  2. Two years ago, I bought myself a cute pink zebra print cover for my heating pad. I love it and still use it every day! I got mine from Ebay, but I bet they’d be super easy to make for those who are crafty.
  3. This is somewhat obvious , but a comfy soft blanket is definitely in my top five. I have several, and promise there is never enough! I used them to prop my neck up, roll up behind my back, and of course to stay snuggly warm. I even love having a heated throw during the holidays.
  4. Due to the pain I have in my hands, I can’t ever get that pesky wine bottle open. An electric wine bottle opener is a necessity for sure! (I just read that a glass of red wine a day is like working out an hour at the gym. Really, I did!)
  5. The past two years, my husband insisted I bought some Sorel boots. I’m in love with them, almost as much as I am in love with him…almost. I love how warm and comfy they are. Plus, I feel VERY solid in them. I don’t worry about slipping and falling when I wear them. I’ll be honest, I’m kinda glad we’ve been getting so much rain so I can wear them without looking silly. I hope they make some cute flip flops for the summer! It’s the first time in years that I haven’t felt like I could fall at any moment. Plus, they are trendy!
  6. For those who can still get in and out of a bath without too much trouble, a gift basket of bath goodies would be perfect. Don’t forget the bath pillow! We have a wonderful soaker tub in our home now. Yet, I’ve only taken one bath in it since we moved in because it hurts to lay back in it. I used to have a bath pillow and that is on the top of my list this year. Be sure to include bubbles and candles. It feels good to be spoiled every now and then.
  7. A makeover. Anything from makeup, hair, nails, clothes…including pajamas. Just because we feel like crap doesn’t mean we don’t want to be pretty. I try to do my makeup and hair every day so that I feel good about myself. My husband bought my daughter and I a subscription to Ipsy last Christmas. We get a makeup bag with five makeup samples (some are regular sized, and they are good brands too). We love it! It gives us something to look forward to each month, and we can play with looks we’d never had tried otherwise. It’s only $10 a month too! So nice!
  8. A journal. I deal with a lot of emotions from meds, guilt, and just being human. I think writing down how you feel can be a great relief. Just get it out and be done with it. I know writing can be hard for some with chronic pain. I use this blog to get my “stuff” out there. Writing just hurts too much.
  9. A fun coffee mug or tea cup. Yeah, it’s nothing huge, it’s just the simple things in life. I have two coffee mugs that I absolutely love. They just make me happy.
  10. A hug, a listening ear, or a smile. Just having someone understand is so amazing. No need to give advice or anything just being there helps.
  11. I swear by this. I buy two roll-ons from Ebay each month. I practically bathe in it. My husband calls it my signature sent. So sexy. haha
  12. A cure. Santa? Jesus? Anyone? Please.

Well, that concludes my 2015 Chronic Christmas List. I hope it’s helpful to someone. I know that I have benefited from each thing so much over the years. Remember, be the best you that you can be. Don’t over do it though. You are you, and that is good enough! 🙂 (that’s my sue-ism’ for the week)

 

It’s Good To Be Home!

So happy to call this home. It's very peaceful and happy!

So happy to call this home. It’s very peaceful! 

We are finally moved in to our new home! We actually moved in two weeks ago, but we aren’t quite settled in yet. This past two months took a big toll on us. We purchased our home, Kenna started a new school and a new cheer season, and I’ve been super sick, on top of being super sick. It’s definitely been a lot to deal with, but we are all very  excited about what the future holds.

We decided that although living in the RV served it’s purpose in the beginning, it just wasn’t working any longer. It’d been over a year and we just wanted to have our own home again. We are so very thankful to our friends who’ve let us stay on their property this 15 months! Words honestly can’t express our appreciation! This allowed us to fix our credit, and took the pressure off of the medical costs. You are truly all angles.

We found an amazing Realtor, Amanda Purvis at The Broker Network. She helped us to find our home. We fell in love at first sight with it. I highly recommend her to anyone in the Portland Metro area! She was there for us every step of the way! Plus, she’s become a great friend!

Our lending team is AMAZING! Honestly, we couldn’t have closed without their very hard and diligent work. One thing that really stood out to me (I was a realtor for 10+ years, and worked with a lot of different lenders), is that they really cared. They knew our situation. They understood what we were going through and made it their business to make sure our home loan closed. They really went over an beyond. It was a tough one to close, we had a lot going against us because of our time in Texas. Due to how the power line companies are in the oilfield, you work at a lot of companies. It doesn’t look that great to an underwriter. Anyway, they really really worked hard on this one, and if you are in need of a home loan, or refi, I HIGHLY recommend Sean Killingsworth and his team at LoanStar Mortgage.

Also, my family has been extremely helpful. They have all been so supportive throughout this entire process. I just can’t even begin to tell you all they’ve done. We are truly blessed, and amazed by their generosity and love. It seemed like anytime an issue arose with our home, they were there to help us through it.

She is a Sevie!

She is a Sevie!

So now that I’ve caught you up on that, I’ll explain a bit how things went down. We were supposed to close at the end of August, but no matter what we or the lender did, we just couldn’t make it happen. I decided that we were all very positive it would close in time, so we started McKenna at the school where our home was located. School started at the end of August, and we didn’t move in until September 16th. We were so conflicted on where to send her. I am glad we made the right decision. She really loves her school. She’s doing well, and enjoying it a lot. Cheer is an all year sport for us, but our new fall schedule started in September, and we are adjusting well. The coolest thing is that we are a part of a wonderful cheer family. Last night, one of the girls gave Kenna a ride home. I really feel like we are in a great home, and wonderful community of friends and family here.

We packed two storage units into this 26' U Haul. It was quite the experience. We made a lot of memories though!

We packed two storage units into this 26′ U Haul. It was quite the experience. We made a lot of memories though!

Once the lender confirmed we were set to close, we headed out to Idaho to get our things from storage. Travis, Kenna, and along with a few hours help from Blake’s friend Tyler, loaded both storage units into the U Haul on a Saturday, and then came back on Sunday. It was exhausting, hot, and we all over did it, but it is done. Everything we own is now in one place! Unfortunately, we only want about half of it. We have all been sharing a wonderful cold since then (I think it started with all the dust from the storage units). We have unpacked for the most part but are allowing ourselves to take it slow so that we can organize as we go. It’s been interesting and a tad overwhelming to see all of our old things.

If all the other things weren’t enough. I had a bit of an emotional breakdown mid month in August. I am not ready to talk about it yet, and honestly still don’t know how to fix it. I was in a dark place for a bit, and I’m glad to have made it out alive. I appreciate all the help from family and friends through this. I pray it will be okay in time.

Well, that really sums it all up I guess. I hope to be able to post more regularly and help spread awareness for those with Chronic Illness. Adding everything we’ve gone through while dealing with my pain and fatigue, and airway inflammation has been quite overwhelming. I’m glad to be home.

Just catching up

I’ve had a rough time finding time to blog lately. I apologize! I have just been so busy being busy. When I’m not busy, I’m exhausted. I feel that I should just do a quick update of this past week. Hopefully I can find time to blog about something more interesting this week too!

Last week I was dealing with severe dizziness and brain zaps. I still am this week, although the brain zaps aren’t as bad. On Friday I went in for vestibular testing, which was four hours of hearing type tests. The worst was when they put hot air into my ear and recorded my eyes reacting to the severe dizziness it caused. Then they did this with cold air, on each ear. It was horrible. On Monday I went to the doctor to get the results. He said that my hearing is find. Everything came back normal. This means the dizziness, headaches, and such are not caused by my ears. The next step is an MRI on Thursday, and following up with a Neurologist. In the mean time, I’m dealing with a UTI, which of course has them concerned since I just had an infusion, and it can cause Kidney’s to fail. I am going in tomorrow to make sure it’s just a run of the mill UTI, like I think it is, vs some dramatic issue they think it could be. I know it’s better to be safe than sorry, I just get tired of going to the doctor!

One thing I’d like to celebrate is that I didn’t get whatever it was Kenna had on Tuesday of last week. She was so sick. I was terrified I’d get it on Friday or Saturday and I had made commitments I couldn’t back out on. Luckily, I still haven’t gotten sick! Yep, knocking on wood.

Friday after my appointment, Kenna went to the fair with a friend. Travis and I took the time to drive around Forest Grove and look at the house we put an offer in on.

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Travis, Kenna, & I at the wedding.

Saturday we went to a wedding. It was a beautiful, fun, country wedding. I took the photos for them. It was so much fun! It was hot, but honestly, I was distracted with taking all the pictures, that the head didn’t bug me a bit. I took pictures from noonish until 9pm. I was hurting, but it was totally worth it. I really enjoy taking pictures. I had a few moments that were rough, but mostly because my camera decided to stop focusing, so I had to auto focus each picture! I did fairly well, and took 988 photos! What a fun time!!!!

Sunday we decided to go to the beach and meet our dear friends who were there for a dance competition. It was kind of cold so we didn’t stay long. It was fun though. We ate at Mo’s in Cannon Beach, then sat on the beach for about an hour. We stopped for ice cream on the way home. It was fun and low-key.

Today everything has caught up to me. However, I didn’t have a moment to rest. Well, I did sleep in a bit, but I got ready and Kenna and I ran errands. This blog is super boring I know. I promise it’ll get better. I just needed to get this all out and decompress from my busy week.

Oh, and before I forget, let me update you on my cousin. She is doing much better. She’s had 7 surgery’s this past week. They finally were able to pack and suture her leg. I stopped in and saw her yesterday while I was there to get my hearing test results. I loved getting to see her looking so much better! I’d stopped in on Friday before my testing, and she was in surgery. Thank you all for your continued prayers. Please if you can, go to her gofundme.com site: http://www.gofundme.com/8z6ena2x6e and donate.

Family

It’s been a tough week. I’ve been dealing with dizziness, fatigue, pain, and brain fog a lot. Spent last Friday at the doctors trying to figure it out. They’ve scheduled me for an MRI and some vertigo tests this Friday. Then we should know something, I hope. We had a good weekend. Yesterday, Kenna was sick with a 102.4 temp, and spent the day throwing up. She if feeling fine today. I really hope I don’t get it. It was awful.

All that being said, what I want this blog to focus on is family. We do for family. I’m lucky to be in such a wonderful family that is close and helpful to each other. We like to see each other succeed. We don’t bicker and try to do better than someone else. I have always been very proud to be a part of my family.

This week, family has been a big theme. My parents have both come through for me in the past, and are coming through for me again. We are working on a big endeavor, and they are backing us all the way. So very thankful for them.

My cousin, who is going to be 20 on Friday was life flighted to OHSU on Saturday. She has a severe infection that is destroying the tissue in her leg. Our family is surrounded around her, supporting her and praying. Her little beautiful baby girl is just over a month old.

This made me reflect on when I was first going through Chemo in Texas. My daughter and granddaughter flew down to be with me for three weeks, and then my mother flew down and spent another four weeks with us. The next year I had back surgery, and my daughter and granddaughter flew down again and stayed another four weeks. While my mom was with us, my aunt and uncle helped take care of my grandma, and do the things my mom had been doing. I just love how family is there for you when you are in need.

On the flip side, I love being there for family. Granted, I’m a little more limited than I used to be, I am happy to help any one of my family members in need. I’ve helped with kids, places to stay, and more throughout my life. I hope to be in a position to help out again!

For now, I can pray and send positive thoughts, and a supportive shoulder to those who need me.

I hope this blog makes sense…they do have me on some other meds now and I’m a tad foggy.